We have been thrice blessed. Born to us is a gay son, lesbian daughter and a straight daughter, in that order.

The are times we question that this could be viewed as a "blessing". Our journey from shame and dread to honesty and pride has been gradual--evolving in the last six years.

It began when our son, Mark, came home from art/design college and told us he is gay. Later he shared with us that he put it together what he is after watching an Oprah episode on homosexuals. It hit him!--That’s me! What followed was a daily attempt to live in a heterosexual environment and forge out as much acceptance as possible. Living on a farm outside a town with a population of 120 in a Midwestern rural Scandinavian ND community wasn’t a total picnic. Being slim and six foot five inches tall and not playing basketball was incomprehensible to small town residents that counted on youth sports for entertainment and a sense of community.

Besides excelling in art and music, mark participated in track, church, and FHA (Future Homemakers of America). His high school graduating class had six students who had been together since kindergarten. He did farm work willingly but didn’t enjoy it a lot. His interests and talents weren’t mirrored in his family or community. We tried hard to find common ground and be supportive of his personality and creativity.

Real freedom came when he moved to Minneapolis to go to school. Expectation of his family and community no monger mattered and being one in thousands was a relief. His creative juices flowed and he flourished. It was still confusing however, because not all gay people and gay culture he was exposed to were like him. A realization that homosexuals are as diverse as heterosexuals became evident. Some low emotional times led him to counseling and gradual self acceptance. Thank God he trusted his parent’s and God’s love enough to come out!

He contacted the new pastor husband/wife team at the Lutheran church he had grown up in; they had been in the community only two weeks. They talked over some faith issues with Mark and agreed to help his parents when he came out to them and returned to school. We weren’t stunned but yet were unprepared. Having suspicions is nothing like the reality! We each reacted predictably--Mom with tears and Dad with quiet. it never entered our mind to reject him but we were bewildered and confused and hurting.

The evening after Mark departed the pastors arrived. Support flowed and we had a chance to vent our fears, hurt, guilt and paranoia.

We knew another couple who had a gay son. The dad of this young man grew up in our community. The son came out in the media when the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America would not ordain him. He would not commit to celibacy or deny his orientation. We called this couple and they invited us to their farm home for supper. More support ensued; these friends continued their concern and guided us toward the local PFLAG group.

We were into acceptance by the time Tracy shared her lesbian orientation. Tracy excelled in countless ways in High School; choir, band, FHA, drama, basketball, track and academically and socially. She was an excellent actress and could play the role expected by everyone.

We had some stormy times at home. Her involvement with a closeted lesbian teacher vexed us. She bonded to this woman who became a first role model. We were concerned about the age difference and influences this woman exhibited because of alcohol use and questionable judgement. Tracy left home for college and she put in a rocky first year. Our family used therapy to help us through. We welcomed her back home while she was finding herself; she worked locally when left to get a job in Fargo Moorhead.

After high school lots of Tracy’s social contacts were lesbian and we wondered. Eventually her desire to commit to a special woman gave her impetus to come out to us. Friends and her sister and brother knew but it still wasn’t easy to tell Mom and Dad. She sat us down for a "family meeting" and confided in us. Openness was refreshing and a relief. We appreciate her partner and can see how good they are for each other.

We wondered whether we were up to two gay children. We answered our own question by realizing we must be or God would not have given them to us. He isn’t prone to errors.

This story continues with our third blessing, Tanya. Born six years after her lesbian sister and 8 years after her gay brother she learned to integrate these siblings into her existence. It created questions about her own sexual identity. She experienced no serious overt discrimination but wondered privately "if" people knew and "what" they thought! Trying to understand homosexual orientation and being extremely close to her sister provided quite a challenge. She eventually followed her parents and siblings out of the closet.

After Mark shared his orientation we told close friends and family members about it. We were fortunate to be met with mostly tolerant acceptance. Our big coming out occurred through the media. After getting permission from all three kids we consented to be on a local farm/community radio talk show called HOT SEAT. Our involvement with the Fargo/Moorhead PFLAG group led us to this challenge. Here we told our "world" we had a gay son AND a lesbian daughter AND a straight daughter. We declared out love and approval of all three and conveyed our desires for them: that they be happy being what they are, find meaningful employment/careers and establish healthy relationship within their faith, jobs and communities.

HOT SEAT propelled us into opened, honesty and advocacy for our kids and gay and lesbian people. The radio station had advertised the program in advance as "a rural couple; a teacher and farmer from Galesburg, ND who will tell their story". Gathered in the Galesburg country church that day were the women making quilts for World Relief. Literally you could "hear a pin drop" while our story was aired. Whoever didn’t "tune in" to radio that day heard about it after and Paulsons were the talk of the town.

Tanya, our straight daughter, followed our radio coming out with one of her own. She co-produced with and announcer and PFLAG friends two ads for the teen stations--one talking in support of her brother and one relating her respect and love for her sister.

We worried about potential fallout of family and friends. Along with the courage that propelled us to be open and honest on behalf of children and gay and lesbians, was dread of rejection.

There was some. Some people were embarrassed. They openly conveyed the concept that it is one thing to have gay and lesbian kids but you don’t need to tell the world about it. That we were not ashamed of our children was hard for some to comprehend and the reality we were proud of them and wanted to put faces and names on the homosexual community seemed foolish to them. Some expressed hesitations related to their faith and understanding of God’s Word. They struggle with the very same things we have wrestled with in our journey.

Most were supportive. Individually, in pairs, privately and publicly, and for a long time after the broadcast they have issued acceptance. They knew our family and now know us better. They are closer to understanding homosexuality is not a choice nor a defect. They are realizing Mark and Tracy cannot alter their sexual orientation any more than they can change theirs. They have moved to a level of enlightenment and we are GRATEFUL!

So we can’t "shut up" about this. We want the world to be less discriminatory for all three of our children and countless gay and lesbians of all ages and descriptions. We hurt with every homosexual individual that is living an exhausting charade of being someone they are not. We yearn for EQUAL rights and opportunities for sexually diverse individuals. We pray that churches will embrace homosexuals with grace. We personally know these people of God’s creation and "It is GOOD!". Our family is bound with honesty and love and "It is GOOD!"