It was going to be a gay weeding between my sister, Heidi, and her partner, Jenny, and I knew there would be a few eye opening events taking place that evening. To say the least, I was in unfamiliar territory. my role in this wedding was head usher and brother of the bride. My duties were pretty simple: when the people came in to be seated, I slowly walked them down the aisle, handed them a program, smiled, said, "Thank you", and proceeded to the next couple. I was quite the comedian. I would ask the guests if they were friends of the bride, or friends of the bride. I got a few laughs from that one, and also a few cross-eyed scowls from some of the not so laid back guests.

The first of many not so comfortable situations happened about five minutes into the seating process. With the straight couples it was easy: I just put my arm out for the ladies, escorted them to their seat and went on to the next couple. No problem. Whoa, hold on, time to seat two men holding hands. I was freaking out! There I was--from a small town, nineteen years old, and very inexperienced in the ways of the world. What should I have done then? Trying to calm my nerves, I walked up and cracked the little "friend of the bride" joke. As I stood there waiting for a response from these two men holding hands, anxiety set in. My hands were sweating and my heart was beating double time. Finally after what seemed like hours, they started to follow me down the aisle. Oh, my God. Suddenly a man reached for my arm to escort him to his seat. Using every last bit of my self control, I didn’t jerk my arm away. I just let it happen. After I seated him, I bolted for my sister’s dressing room. After talking to my sister, I realized I didn’t have anything to worry about.

Making it through the actual wedding was the easy part; then came the reception. It was an incredible event. Every person that walked through the door of the ballroom received a glass of champagne. Everything was perfect. Unlike a heterosexual wedding, there wasn’t a little bride and groom on top of the wedding cake. I suppose they had a hard time finding a cake decorator with a statue of two brides. I figured that the dance would be a lot of fun since all my sister’s friends really liked to party.

What the hell, even if I didn’t agree with this whole lesbian thing, I was going to party and have a good time. So I danced a few dances with my mom, my aunts, and my sisters. Then I realized that I didn’t have anyone to dance with but my relatives. All the women guests were lesbians, and I wasn’t going to dance with any of the guys, because I am about as heterosexual as they come.

The dance proceeded to get pretty rowdy, and I proceeded to get a little tipsy when this young lady came up and started talking to me. She said to me, "I’m really impressed that someone your age, coming from a small town, without much exposure to gay couples, could be as open minded as you are." God, did I feel terrible. Little did she know that I really wasn’t open minded as she thought. the conversation was basically her telling me how great she thought I was for supporting my sister, and me agreeing. "Oh, yeah, I have always supported my sister" I said, lying through my teeth. I was feeling no pain, she was attractive, and not to mention, the only straight woman that I wasn’t related to.

I went to get a drink, wanting to get away from her praising me for being somebody that I wasn’t. As I was standing there waiting for my drink, three of my sister’s friends approached me, wanting to tell me how they thought I was pretty special for being there for my sister. I mean, I have heard my sister talk about the ten Percent Society, but I always thought that these were the people that I formerly thought of as fags and dykes, people that lived in San Francisco and dressed really weird. Actually, they are people that live right here in Fargo-Moorhead. These are people that we have grown up with, worked with, gone to school with. They are there and there are people that live this way.

Even thought that desire is not inside of me, not do I completely understand it, I do accept those people that have come to the decision in their lives that this is who they are. Too many people think of homosexuality as a purely sexual thing. And yes, for some it is, but the same can be said about many heterosexuals.

I had to say something to the people at the dance, so when it came to that time in the evening for people to give toasts, I asked my sister to come up front, and I told her exactly what I was feeling that night. With everybody’s attention, I began my toast with my hands sweating, and my stomach feeling like I had a squirrel on speed in there, I started, and basically said that I was really happy for my sister. For the first time in five years of knowing that my sister was gay I realized and accepted who she was. I said I never realized that she had such a community of peers that were there for her. I was thankful that I had a chance to experience this whole event. It was something that really opened and broadened my mind. Not many of my friends would understand a lot of this but they weren’t as lucky as me. More than anything, for the first time I saw my sister wanted me to understand, as much for our relationship as for myself.

What I learned form that whole event was that not everybody was like me, nor did I have to believe the way other people did, but it surely would not hurt me to keep an open mind--I might even learn something.